


Broken heart

by pastel_sunflower



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A lot of blushing, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff, Hospital, I don’t even know, Letters, M/M, Medical Conditions, Nurses, Sick Harry, Singer Louis, Surgery, louis is adorable, mentions of self harm, unfunny puns, yeet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2019-11-14 12:42:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18052706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_sunflower/pseuds/pastel_sunflower
Summary: Harry has a condition and has to stay at the hospital. That’s where he meets Louis.orLouis volunteers at the hospital were he notices the curly-haired boy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Firstly I want to let you all know that I did my best research on the topic and tried to match the symptoms but if I am not accurate I am really sorry.
> 
> And thank you for reading this. Let me know in the comments what do you think.
> 
> If there are any grammar or spelling mistakes I am again sorry.
> 
> -N.

 

 

 

 Louis thought he was an essentially good person. He thought he was an _amazing_ person when he agreed to volunteer at the hospital, all because of his mom, of course. What he had to do wasn’t that complicated: he had to be at the hospital recreational room and play a few tunes. Nothing too hard.

  On his first day he remembered why he hated hospitals. Everything is so bright , it smells weird and everything is so depressing it made him feel uncomfortable. He was pulled out of his thoughts when his mum started taking “Boobear, you made it !”  “Course’ mum” , she nodded  “Thank you for doing this,love” she mumbled while hugging him tight . The next thing he knew he was walking in this softer-looking room with a few kids with IV’s in their arms and a couple sitting in wheelchairs. He was glad he could brighten their day a little bit.

  “Hello, please meet my son, Louis, who is going to play a few songs for you” , his mom really was incredible. All the eyes were on him now, for whatever reason he was a bit nervous. Scanning the room again his “crowd” consisted of eight little kids, a few parents and three nurses. Why was he nervous?

  Louis put down the guitar case he forgot he had thrown over his shoulder and sat on the chair that was placed behind him.While doing all the action a little girl was staring at him with big eyes the color of honey “You are pretty”, she whispered like it was a secret.” Well I wish I could say the same about you”, the look on her face saddening,”but you are absolutely gorgeous” and damn he’d never seen someone smiling so bright.”My name is Sarah”,she said extending her fragile little hand “Louis”.They both smiled at each other until he remembered what he was doing there. Singing,right.

   When he placed the guitar on his knee he realized he doesn’t know only a couple of love songs and way too many sad ones.What was he going to play to some little children? He thought they are not going to understand the meaning of the lyrics anyway so he settled on _What a time by Julia Michaels and Niall Horan._ Whatever. 

  As he was playing “ _I think of the night in the park-“_  a pair of green eyes was fixed on him. He didn’t resemble any of his audience.He was tall, lean and quite pale with some long curly hair almost reaching his shoulders. He was also wearing some sweatpants and a loose black shirt, if it wasn’t for the iv pole that was standing next to him you wouldn’t know he was hospitalized.

  Louis being the idiot he is, smiled at him throughout all his performance. As soon as he stopped singing this boy left the room without any word. When he looked at his mom she was biting back a smile and shaking her head.Fixing his gaze on Sarah “You were looking at Harry with heart-eyes” she stated.Brushing the comment off he asked “ How do you know his name?” . The little girl shrugged and added “ He sometimes reads us stories, and sits exactly where you are sitting”. _Hm, interesting._  “Thanks love” he said packing his guitar and standing.

———

  As he left the room ,he was looking for his mom so he could let her know he was heading home, and _possibly_ ask some questions. He found her holding a file and standing in one of the hallways , not even looking up she started “No chance I am telling you anything about Harry” . His mom really knows him too well “ I wasn’t even going to ask “, she raised her eyes from the file she was holding and smiled at him without saying anything else.

  Louis rolled his eyes “Why is he here?” .

 

  “Lou you know I can’t discuss that” her eyes soft and somewhat amused as if Louis didn’t know that.

 

  “Fine. M’going home”

 

  “Love you, boobear”

 

  “Love you too,mum”

 

  And with that he walked out of the hyper-sterile place and headed home.

 

———

  Harry woke up hearing some beeping noises. That definitely doesn’t sound like an alarm. If he was being honest he was feeling a flutter in his chest _and_ he couldn’t properly breathe but he was not new to the feeling.What really made him open his eyes was a nurse that physically opened it and shoved a light in his face . _How pleasant._

 

 _“_ Mr. Styles are you with us? “ and Harry was ready to give her shit for waking him up but the panick in her eyes made him rethink his choice.

 

   “I am” he answered his voice deep with sleep. Right then, his doctor walked in “Another episode mr. Styles?”

 

   “ I’m full of surprises doc” he winked and yes, his condition was absolute hell at least his doctor was cool. His name is Nick and he finished med school four years ago and even how fairly young he is, he also is one of the best in his field. Cardiology.

 

   The doctor snorted silently “ Mr. Styles would you stop scaring my nurses“.

 

    “ _Heart_ goin a bit too far ,and call me Harry please ” he said shrugging.

 

    “I must admit that was a good one but , Mr- Harry your condition didn’t advance since your last check but as I can see your heart palpitation episodes are growing in number. So today I am going to appoint  some tests I would like to do”

 

   “Alright” he sighed. Nick nodded and left Harry by himself in his room. 

 

    Harry was no stranger to hospitals and especially how to stay entertained while you are staying in them.Today though he wasn’t feeling like doing anything, it was probably because of his morning. His mom and sister were supposed to stop by sometime today at least. 

  Looking around he realized, the hospital room he was in was as devoid of beauty as he is of hope. To stop his thoughts he decided to listen to some music so he put his headphones in and drifted back off.

  Thinking about it ,time really is relative in a hospital.When he woke up his sister, Gemma, and his mum were talking softly to one another and his music stopped playing.

  “Hi baby” his mom said, her expression soft.

 

   “Hi mummy” and why all the conversations he has today have to be right after he wakes up.

 

   “How are you feeling baby brother?” Gemma asked and she was the only one who never threw him a pity party. Every question she ever asked was out of pure curiosity and Harry loves her to the moon and back but he would never admit it.

 

   “Besides my broken heart I am the picture of health” and without a notice his sister hugged him tight and whispered in his neck “ I miss you a lot”. _ouch._ When they pulled back Harry managed to plant a kiss on her forehead “I will get better.Promise.”

 

  Then, one of his favorite nurses walked in holding a paper-file. And this particular nurse must be the most understanding one of them all. Harry was 110% she has kids,her name is Jay and she always laughs at his shitty jokes and is just overall nice.After greeting his mom and sister she turned to him and smiled.

 

   “Ready?” 

 

   “Was born ready”. Here’s the catch,Harry acts all though and unbothered but it’s killing him . Literally. But sometimes he really asks himself if it’s worth it. Is it worth it all the pain and expenses he is putting his family through and is it worth it to go through so many tests and take so many kinds of drugs for something they all know it’s not going away?

 

   Anyways he has to be strong at least for now. Just a little while. “Bye love , call me if you need anything” and God does Harry adore his mother. 

  After saying goodbye to Gemma and Anne,his mother, he was walking with Jay’s help to this examination room. Same old bs:they connect him to all these medical equipment and the nurses and doctors talk between themselves and just telling Harry what to do and what to say. Easy peazy lemon squeazy, right? No it is difficult difficult lemon difficult. He feels dizzy and a bit confused but he has to man up and deal with it.

 

   Up and done. After a lot of questions and a few blood tests and the doctor deciding to switch his pills he was finally done.As he was walking with Jay back to his room he decided she was the lucky winner:she had to deal with him.”Jay?”

  “Yes?” she asked kindly.

 

   “I don’t want to go back to my room”. and he knows he sounds like a child but hey,anything is better than to stare at the same old creamy boring walls and gray floor.

 

  “Harry you have your iv in. You should lay down.”

 

  “Please?”

 

   For a second she looked like she was thinking about it “Um..my son is in the recreational room playing for the kids if you want to listen?”

 

  “You have a son ?” he knew it.

 

  “Love I have 7 kids :two pair of twins, two girls and my eldest who is playing today.”

 

   Harry was left with his mouth open and eyebrows raised. “Come on are you so surprised?” she asked laughing at his shock.

 

   “No no but like you have 7-I mean that’s great. Congratulations!” 

 

   On the walk to the room Jay shared with him some details about all her babies. And then he stepped into the room and woah. Jay’s son it’s...wow. And his voice is great and he is playing the guitar, what else could one want? Maybe Harry is hallucinating from all the drugs they give him but was this boy smiling at him. Guess we will never know because as soon as the blue-eyed boy finished singing Harry dipped.

  

   The weirdest day he had in weeks.

 

 

 

     

  


	2. Always the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis meets Harry again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here’s the new chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it,and I would love to hear your opinion on it.
> 
> Again,if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes I apologize but english is not my first language .  
>  Thank you for all the love and for reading my work.
> 
> -N.

Louis was frustrated.On one hand he knew he couldn’t find out about the boy at the hospital from anyone but on the other he _needed_ to know.He’s always been the curious type.

   As he was stepping into the apartment he could hear his best friends laughing.He was pretty content with his life up to this point.After he finished high school him and his best mates ,now roommates, decided to start a band ,so that’s what they did. Firstly they played at parties and such ,but now they play at bars, pubs and middle class restaurants. When they got enough money the three of them decided to rent a place together.So here they are: doing what they love while being able to pay the bills.

He was moody so his friends didn’t have any other choice then to deal with him. So when he stepped into the hallway he dropped his guitar by the door and threw loudly one foot in front of the other in order to get into the living room ,where his roommates were situated.

“If you don’t stop acting like a gorilla we are going to call animal services”,this is Liam.As much as Louis swears he loves him sometimes he really wants to break his nose.

  

   “ Excuse me Liam, I am having a serious issue that I am struggling with”

 

“Then _I_ am your man”, as he turned his head a pair of blue eyes and a beaming smile were looking expectantly.Niall. Besides being one of his best mate he is the only one who can beat him in a drinking game.

 

“You know how I volunteered to sing for the kids at the hospital today?”,both of them nodded “well the audience was mostly little kids and a few parents and nurses”.

 

   “Ok?”

 

“Shus Liam ,so as I was saying, in the middle of one of the songs this tall , close of our age, pretty boy entered the room but as soon as the song finished he left.”

 

“Tragic”,Niall added chuckling.

 

While Louis was playfully slapping him over the arm Liam asked,”Was he the brother of one of the kids?”.

 

    _How do I explain this_? he thought. “So before any of you ask I’m not crazy and this is not some kink or whatever you weirdos think buuut, he had an iv in his arm so I’m assuming he is a patient?”

 

“This is not a good idea,Louis. You don’t know what he might have”, the voice of ration,Liam jumped in.

 

Fixing his gaze on Niall he hoped he would get a better answer “Lou, you know I’m the “go for it” type but for all you know the dude can have any disease”.

“Come on guys ,both of you are overreacting” and with that he got up the couch and marched into his room.

 

You know what ?Spending time with the kids was good today and maybe if he was lucky he could see the boy again so he texted his mom.

  **From:Louis**

  **Mum**

   **When can I sing at the hospital again??**

    **Love** **you.**

 

    **From:Mom**

    **Love you too darling!**

  **And the schedule is free for the volunteer program every other day.**

———

He doesn’t know when he fell asleep or what time it was but he was up now.He looked out the window from his bed and it was dark out, when he opened his phone it showed 1:00 am. Did he really sleep away the day? The drugs they give him are way too much.

Harry was feeling weak and breathless, everything around him slightly foggy. The only thing that can fix the mess in his head was music. It’s always been like that ever since he was diagnosed.He was 13 when his heart started skipping beats of banging against his rib cage after he played football.Then at 15 he was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation also known as his nightmare. After that he had been in and out of hospitals.Now, at 19 he was supposed to be staying at the hospital for at least three weeks because of his high chance of having a stroke.

 

The only way for him to disconnect from his racing thoughts was through the beats of the songs he was listening to. The song of the night was _Are U There by Mura Masa._ He closed his eyes and put his headphones in letting the song take over.

As he was listening to the song ,his thought flew to a pair of blue eyes.They looked like someone captured the ocean and put it in marbles .Harry bets his life is really exciting and fun.

What wouldn’t he do to be out of the hospital.If he could, right now, he would go to a diner to drink some chocolate milkshake. Or go on a road trip, or camping and waking  up with the sun gently brushing over his features, hell he hasn’t been to the movies in ages. Anything just not here.Don’t get him wrong, he is grateful for all the people taking care of him but he wishes there would be no need for that.

 

Time passed and songs changed. Now he was leaning against the window frame staring at the moon. How _dramatic_. But really there is no one to talk to, all his friends decided to drop him and now he is pretending he is in a music video.

 

He really enjoys making himself feel bad,it’s the thing .Like tonight the thought of loneliness wasn’t giving him a break. But it really gave him something to think about: how does it feel like to fall in love?And will someone ever truly love him for who he his and what he is ? Harry feels the frustration building as well as tears burning his eyes. He wants to shout and beat his hands on the ground like a toddler. He wants to vent to people but he can’t whiteout sounding ungrateful.

  If you looked closely,you could see the perfect mask he spent so much time building,now crumbling down as raw emotion takes over.And if you listened carefully,you could hear the cries buried down deep beneath the fake laughs.

  Surely the pear-shaped tears were rolling down his cheeks.One after another.To give himself a state of stability he clasped onto the windowsill and tried to calm down his breathing. _You are fine_ ,he tried to comfort himself like any other time this would happen.But tonight he isn’t sure why but he couldn’t control himself.He bit into the hoodie sleeve he was wearing,trying to muffle the sobs that were aggressively escaping.The last painful emotion slammed against him before he lost the feeling of feeling. Numbness.

  He could hear the familiar beeping sound and heard well enough the door of the room open but he was drained and didn’t feel like giving a fuck right now.So when the nurses came rushing towards him at the window he brushed past them and got in bed.He was not going to give neither the nurses or nobody else a show so he laid down and waited until his breathing evened out and the annoying sound of his heart monitor stopped.

  Harry finally fell back asleep.

 

———

  The next day was a busy one for the band because they were playing two gigs.One starting from four to six and the second one from five to eight.

   That day will be the first to play a new original song.It’s kind of sad but Louis wrote it and so it was good enough.

  Until four they still had half of the day to spend and considering all three of them woke up around ten,well whatever it was left.They started the day with Liam cooking breakfast,Louis told you he loveshim,and then going to the venues to rehearse and drop the instruments. Afterwards they went for a late lunch and back home to change.

  “Ok so two shows tonight and another one tomorrow”,Niall stated sounding exasperated “for how much we are playing we should own a mansion and a private jet.”

 

  “Close mate, you have a shitty apartment and the bus”,Louis mouth curved into a smile.

 

  “That’s why I love you both”,Liam snorted rolling his eyes.

 

  Lunch was taken at Mcdonalds,”Obviously “ “Louis you need to eat some veggies” “Fuck off Liam”.Then a short bus ride home where they quickly changed into some fresh clothes.Liam was now wearing a  dress shirt and jeans ,Louis was wearing jeans as well and a blazer because “This is a free country and I wear whatever I like” and Niall decided to wear some dress pants and a polo shirt.At least they were color coordinated:black and white.

  The restaurant they were playing at firstly was a bit more sophisticated than what they were used to.So their songs had to be soft and more on the quiet side. They will get to play their more fun tunes at the pub they were playing at afterwards.

 Tonight Louis and Niall were playing their guitars and Liam was the main vocalist.Why? Because he doesn’t know how to play an instrument and Ni and Louis are good friends.Aaand he was wearing a shirt.

  The two hours they had to play flew past them and were now heading to the pub which was conveniently located a few minutes away from them.”Great job at planning,Ni” “Thanks lad,I should stop singing and become a manager”.And he probably should because Niall was the one getting them places to sing and dealing with contracts and all that but ,he was the one pushing the pub door open ready to have a drink as well.

  At the pub, the question “how are you feeling about a pint” came up early and the lads were now seated at the bar talking over a beer and politely declining every times one of them got hit on.Time was up and they had to go on stage.One song ,two songs,three songs,Louis lost count because he absolutely adores performing and loves the adrenaline and the energy he gets from the crowd.Every time the audience sings along with them the rush of happiness hits him and in the moment he is glad that’s what he chose to do as a job.

  Once they were done singing, Niall suggested that they do a round of celebration shots.And guess what? One round turned into multiple and shots turned into whiskey and whiskey turned into God knows what Niall gave him and soon enough all three of them were shit-faced and calling for a taxi. “This was fun”.

———

  This was not fun,Louis head was spinning and the waves of nausea was only adding to his misery.From the vomit taste in his mouth and dehydrated feeling he figured he has more than one round of shots.His throat felt like sandpaper and his stomach lurched. He was thankful he could sleep it off so he curled under the duvet and closed his eyes.Not one second passed and his phone pinged with a message making him groan. Blindly he reached for his phone and opened it.The brightness of the screen made Louis curse the person who invented phones, and after bringing himself to read the text he wanted to cry.

 

  **From:Mom**

**See you in two hours ,boobear.**

 

  Louis really was an idiot. After managing to bring himself into a sitting position he took a deep breath and slowly got a hold of his senses.On his second try standing,he slowly walked into the bathroom and glanced in the mirror. If the kids at the hospital didn’t believe in the boogie man, if they saw Louis like this they will.

  Turning on the shower he stepped inside and let the water wash away his bad decision. Afterwards he brushed his teeth and promised himself he will never drink again.

 

  The kitchen was empty,so was the living room. So that means Louis had to make his own breakfast? Not wanting to burn down the building he made some toast and tea,taking it out on the balcony to light his cigarette.

  _Much better,_ yes he knows smoking is a bad habit and no,he will not quit.After intoxicating his lungs enough he took the mug and plate back inside dropping them into the sink and stepping into his bedroom.A panicked feeling rushed when he realized he didn’t do the laundry but eventually he spotted all the clothes clean in the laundry basket.He isn’t religious but God bless his friends.

  Not too hard to choose what to wear,picking a green jumper and black skinny jeans. Decent.Now should he write his still-sleeping friends a note or should he text them?

  He loves hand-written notes so ne scribbled something on a paper leaving it on the kitchen counter.On his way out he picked his phone,wallet,keys and guitar and walked out.

  As he was walking to the bus station his headache felt like a balloon was being blown inside his head ,applying pressure on his skull.He would’ve taken some ibuprofen but he thought he didn’t need it.

  On the bus,he sat down near a window and counted the stations that passed until he reached his.After crossing the street, he was situated in front of the hospital and pushing past the door.As soon as he stepped inside,he went looking for his mom smiling and waving at nurses that knew him.

  When he finally found his mom they walked together to the room in which he played last time and taking a step in,his eyes fell on him. _The_ boy.He was talking to the little kids and making them laugh when his green eyes met his own.The ocean met the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for all the kudos and comments.


	3. You know nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis finally manage to exchange some words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! I am not really sure about this chapter so please let me know what do you think and if I should continue the story.  
> Also, thank you for all the kudos and for reading my work.
> 
> \- N.

  “Louis !”,the little girl exclaimed as she jumped off the chair running towards him.

  “Hi,Sarah. What are you doing smol bean?”

  “Harry is telling us a story about a prince that was sending letters to a princess. It’s a good story.”,she answered giggling.

  Louis eyes locked with the boy and he had to bite back a smile when Harry blushed.”He is,huh?”,he added just to see how red can the boy turn.

  “I’m Louis!”

  “Harry”,and whoa his voice was deep ,and Louis wondered how would his voice sound when ..never mind.

   It shoud be awkward but instead it was like they were trying to read each other through their eyes.There was something solemn is his green eyes.Their stunning,minty color held a truth that his face could not hide.It was something,something that did not match his dimply smile. Whatever it was,Louis didn’t like it.  
   He was pulled back to reality when Harry’s eyes darted to his guitar so he placed it down and took a seat on an empty chair.

  “So”,Louis awkwardly laughed,”What do you want to hear ?”

  Sarah looked between them two and with a bright smile said “A love song,pwease”.And with big eyes another little girl “Yea,like a price sings to a princess”,does Louis love kids.

  “Um ok,so this is a song I recently wrote and it’s called “I want to write you a song”.

  And he tried ok?He really tried to look at somebody else except Harry but he just couldn’t.Sue him.

———

  A love song? Well Harry can just pretend anyone will ever write him a song,let alone a love one. He wondered if Louis had a relationship and if the song he was playing was for that special someone.

The first song turned into a second and a third and he hoped Louis will never stop playing.The sweet tune of the acoustic guitar spoke a musical language to his soul.The strumming sound had a hypnotic soothing that he craved.For a moment he didn’t even realize the music stopped and a pair of blue eyes was fixed on him.

 

“Was I that bad?”,Louis asked sarcastically in a way.

 

“What !? No no I just got lost in the tune-“

 

“Relax”, a warm smile thrown his way “Was just kidding..that only of you really didn’t like it?”.

 

“You are a really good singer.Do you write alone all your songs?”

 

“Well,some of them. My band mates usually help but if you hear a particularly sappy and sad song I probably wrote it alone”,one shoulder came up but dropped back down.

 

“Wait,wait.Your band mates? You are in a band?”, Harry’s eyes were sparkling with interest.

 

“I am in a band,yea.Have been for a while”, and he just said it like it was no big deal.Like being in a band and creating music was nothing.

 

“So you have concerts and all that?”

 

“We do. But don’t imagine we are some huge band or something,we play locally. It’s a lot of fun though.”

 

“I bet it is...” he said it so quietly,probably hoping Louis wouldn’t hear.But he did.

 

“Maybe you can come to one of our performances some time..?”,a grin taking over which only made Harry have a brief outburst of laughter quickly brought under control and then his lips turning into a straight line.

 

“I wish,but I’m kinda busy at the moment”,said Harry gesturing around.

 

Louis knew his brain to mouth filter wasn’t really functional but at Harry’s words he realized he doesn’t know for how long he is staying at the hospital or if he will ever be properly healthy. He really wishes he could shut the fuck up so sometimes.

 

“Or you know,I could be a text away..”,he mentioned.And this is the part that got Harry confused,firstly this,this man who had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks and the smile that emanates happiness like a blooming flower, is shy talking to him and making an actual effort. Something was not right.

 

“Um..”

 

“No, sorry I don’t want you to feel weird or anything”,he apologetically managed a small smile.

 

There it was,Harry managed to mess up probably the only chance in someone being interested in him.

“It’s not that, I-I just ,was thinking were did I put my phone ”,the mask was right back on.He hoped Louis didn’t see how unsure and insecure he was.

Louis seemed to believe what Harry told him and glanced around for a second. A piece of paper and a pen were scattered on a table behind them ,resulting the answer to their so called, _problem_.

 

———

The words of his friends were being replayed in his head as he was writing his number down.Louis was still shocked he got as far as to give him his number.

He had a pen,and Harry was telling the kids about a princess and a letter. Well what did he have to lose anyways?

Right before he finished the note his phone continued to ring aggressively.

 

  **From:Lima**

  **Is this a good moment to remind you we have rehearsals in an hour ??**

  **If you don’t reply you are doing the dishes two weeks**

**What the hell are you doing,mate ?**

 

He rolled his eyes and texted a quick reply to his friend and when he glanced up,he was met with a puzzled look from the boy in front of him.

 

“Sorry,my friend reminded me we have a gig tonight.”

 

“How often do you perform ?”

 

“It depends,really,sometimes we have two shows in a day and sometimes we have the whole day free”,Louis replied while still writing down on the paper.

In one move Louis got up and pushed the paper in front of the boy.He then picked up his guitar and all his belongings,smiled once more in Harry’s direction and left.

 

———

What did just happen? Harry gently picked up the piece of paper who looked like it had more than a phone number written on it and immediately blushed.

 

  _Dear Harry,_

  _Text me if you want xxx xxx, and you are pretty adorable when you blush._

 

  _Hugs, Louis_

 

What even was this boy?

———

“ _What do you want now ?_ ”,sighed Louis exasperated.

 

“ _I think it’s cool that you do charity work but that doesn’t pay the bills_ ”,pointed Liam through the phone speaker.

 

  “ _Whatever you say,Lima.And just for the record I am getting on the bus now_.”

 

“ _Whatever,Lewis_ ”

 

“ _Be home in 15,love ya_ ”

 

“ _Love you too,lad_ ”,hopefully this conversation explains their relationship well enough.

 

  When Louis entered their apartment both of his friends were dressed and waiting by the door.He didn’t even got a good glimpse of his hallway and his friends were pushing him outside.

 

   “Tommo,it’s pretty late already ,we have to go”

 

   “Ni,why is everybody in such a hurry today?”,the happiness of the events that occurred a bit earlier came back.

 

   “Did you take something?Are you ok ?”,Liam said worried.

 

   “Calm it,I’m fine.Just happy.”

 

   “Any particular reason ?”

 

   “Not really”,but his friends knew.They knew him inside and out.

 

    “Sure, you are _just happy “,_ said Liam knowingly.He and Liam have been friends since they could talk so he had been there since the beginning.When his parents were getting a divorce,he stayed at Liam’s. He even told Liam he was gay before anyone else knew.

   Pretty close case with Niall. They met him in middle school when he moved from Ireland to London. The moment they met,they just clicked. So there they were, and for whatever reason Louis was still trying to lie to them even though they knew him better than himself.

 

   “Ok,fine. Remember the boy I told you about? Yea well, I gave him my number”.

 

   “You are an idiot”,Liam pointed out like it was new information. Niall was smiling at him and had his eyebrows lifted to his hairline.

    

    “Shit,mate. What did he say?”,that was his friend.

 

     “He is cool. Doesn’t talk much but it’s still nice.”

 

     “Lou, you should stop now before you get into something you know nothing about”

 

      “Come on Liam,you don’t even know him”,Louis tried to reason.

 

      “You don’t know him either!”, when he glanced at Niall it looked like he was trying to add something “And no Niall,you shouldn’t side with him. What if the dude has whatever illness that can’t be treated. Than what?”

 

     “I am not marrying him! He just seemed nice and I am trying to make new friends since my actual one doesn’t seem to give a shit about what I’m saying !”,he didn’t mean it.Yes,Louis was angry but he didn’t mean it and is sure Liam knows.

 

    After that the walk was silent. When they got to the stage,still silent.And it was kind of annoying but all three knew that if the situation between them got heated the best thing to cool off is to become astronauts and give each other space.

    The rehearsal went alright and now they were headed home. Nobody said anything except for Niall that asked what they were having for dinner. Since nobody was bothered enough to answer poor Ni ,he ordered some pizza so it would be there when they got home.

   Now home, Louis toed his shoes off and went to his bedroom. He didn’t check his phone in hours so he thought it was a good time.

   When he opened it, there were a few unread texts.Two from his mom thanking him for stopping by at the hospital and a couple from an unknown number.

 

    **From:Unknown**

**Hi! This is Harry**

**I don’t blush**

**Never.**

**Let me know how the show tonight goes :)**

 

    **From:Louis**

**You do blush quite a lot. And it’s cute**

**And I sure will :)**

 

Liam was not the type to be wrong. But in this case he sure was,Harry was way too precious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading. All the love


	4. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis gets in contact with Harry.But not over text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don’t know what this chapter is but I think it's cute and I hope you will enjoy it too.  
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments, it really means a lot!
> 
> -N.

   Louis woke up with his phone insistently buzzing next to his head. This was happening way too often, he should mute his phone at night. He reached for his phone and pressed the button.On the screen the name _Harry_ scared him, and all he hoped was that he did not text the boy when he was tipsy.

 

    **From:Harry**

**Glad the show went good :)**

**Miss you too.Hope to see you tomorrow!**

 

 What the hell did Louis do last night? He barely touched alcohol anyways.

  **From:Louis**

**The shwo we nt awesomee !!**

**i wish you were here. i miss ya <3**

 

  The embarrassment made Louis throw his phone and placed his hands over his burning face. His mind was still a bit fuzzy with what he had last night and sleep but even like that he felt sorry for Harry and having to deal with drunk-texting Louis.He thought it would be worse if he tried to explain himself so he shrugged and pretended it didn’t happen.

  It’s good he has the whole day free and can think about what he did in peace. He went into the bathroom to refresh himself .Then after a shower he put on some sweats and one of Liam’s shirts that were huge on him,and walked into the kitchen to find Niall drinking coffee.He was never a fan of coffee but his friends seem to only drink that.

  “Morning”,Louis greeted. Niall only nodded and sipped from his mug,which was weird ,Niall being the most talkative and happiest person Louis knows.

    Louis decided to ignore it and fixed himself a cup of tea.After pouring it into his favorite mug he looked again at Niall when he started talking.

  “You texted him last night,you know?”,so that’s what this is about.

   “I know..”

  “Tommo, you need to quit playing or one of you is going to end up hurt.”

  “Listen, can you _please_ tell me off later,right now I need a smoke”.

Louis grabbed his tea and pack of cigarettes and went out on the balcony leaving Niall alone in the kitchen. His thoughts were racing until he took the first drag,then all his muscles relaxed.His lungs were probably ruined from all the years of binge-smoking,but it helped him so he doesn’t see anything that can be done.

  _Niall is probably right,I still have to apologize to Liam and try to talk it out with Harry.Fuck,Tommo, what are you doing?_ ,he thought while watching over the city.

 

———

   Harry woke up with a few texts from two am. “ _Louis was definitely drunk”_ ,and he was not wrong but he decided to act like he didn’t  know and replied simply. This man’s life must be like an actual movie.But hey,Harry’s was a movie too,a tragic comedy.

  He buzzed the button next to the bed and waited for a nurse to come and take his iv out of his hand so he can shower.

  “Good morning, Harry”,said Jay happily.What a coincidence,life really is a funny thing.Does she know that her son talks to him? Probably not,he should be smart and not bring it up.

   “ ‘Morning..”,he groaned.

   “How are you today?”,she said while occupying herself with taking the needle out of Harry’s hand.

   “Alive”,and this was a pretty standard answer.He was not necessary sad,not particularly happy.Just alive.

  Jay nodded placing some clean towels on Harry’s bed.” I don’t know why I am still asking,but do you want a hospital gown or do you want to wear your clothes?” 

  “A hospital gown,please”.

  “Really?”,she asked skeptical.

  “No.”

  She sighed,”Alright. Do you need anything else?”

  “No,thank you. I’m just going to shower then try and finish my book.”,he said fidgeting with his t-shirt.And it’s like Jay understands him in a way given by the sympathetic look she was giving him.

  “Ok then. If you need anything-“

  “Click the button, I know”,Harry cut of .Jay nodded and exited the room.

  

   Harry turned the tiny shower in his room and was thankful he had a suite with a private bathroom because he is really uncomfortable when he has to share with other patients.He took his shirt off and looked at all the needle marks on his hands and scars on his body.None of the scars were from surgeries.

   As he was massaging his scalp with shampoo,a pair of blue eyes popped in his mind.He was going to see him again tomorrow,only the thought made him smile and shake his head.

   He was now in fresh clothes,with his long damp hair dripping on the shirt ,preparing to read. He asked Gemma for the sappiest book she could manage to find,and she never disappointed him. The story he was telling the kids the other day,was inspired by this book.Letters.He should be satisfied with texting though.

———

  Louis was now sitting on the edge of his bed thinking about how to fix everything.  _Harry is telling us a story about a prince that was sending letters to a princess,_ he whispered to himself. He began opening drawers from his desk looking for envelopes and all the other materials he is going to need.

   He didn’t hear his door opening being so concentrated.

  “Lou I’m sorry-and what are you doing?”,Liam said,his brows knitting together.

  “Liam! Hey,I’m really sorry too. I’m..um-writing?”,he said all in one-breath.

   “Writing? What exactly?”,when no answer came Liam’s way he caught on. “Louis he is not a prince stuck in a castle.You don’t need to write him a love letter.”

  “Liam for the love of God, give me a break”.

  “So that’s how it is.I see.”

  Louis pressed his fingers to his temples,” Liam you know I am sorry and I love you but you are suffocating me with care”.

  “I didn’t hear anything except “I love you”.Bye Casanova!”,Louis rolled his eyes and went back to what he was doing.

  Half an hour later it was ready. The cutest letter, and to add his mark he put inside a bag of his favorite tea.He knew what he was doing (he really didn’t).

  Now,does he wait until the next day or should he drop by the hospital and ask his mom for a favor? Well his life motto is “We are here for a good time not a long time”, so even if this goes wrong at least he tried.

  He got ready to go and tried to walk as fast as he could out of the apartment so he doesn’t have to listen to his friends right now. He made a run for the bus station and sooner than later he was on his way to make a really bad decision. He should find a hobby.

   Louis hates the hospital a bit more every time he visits but he doesn’t have time to think about that.He needs to find his mom.

    Conveniently,his mom was walking down the main hallway when she noticed her son. “Boobear !”

   “Hi,mum” ,he said being squeezed in his moms tight embrace.

   “As much as I love to see you, I’m pretty sure you should be here tomorrow?”

   “Um,no. I kind of-I need to ask for a favor”.

   “Louis William Tomlinson, what did you do?”,she asked concerned.

   “No no,nothing like that.You told me at some point that sometimes nurses write patients letters and notes to make them feel better. Yea, I kind of attempted one”,he said biting his bottom lip.

   His mom was biting her bottom lip but not because she was nervous, but because she was trying her best not to burst out laughing. She was smiling and shaking her head “So I’m guessing this is for Harry?”.Louis nodded, “Do you even know his last name?”

  “I’m not marrying him, I’m trying to make new friends. It’s that so wrong ?”

  “Alright baby. I love you but please don’t bother my patients”.

   “I love you too,and thank you.Promise I won’t.”

    Louis handed his mom the letter ,thanked her once more and then left. He loves his mom so so much.

———

  Harry almost fell asleep when a soft knock on the door brought him back.”Come in”,he mumbled. Probably the nurses just want to check on him.

  “Hello! How is the book?”,Jay asked way too excited.

  “Pretty good actually”,he answered dryly.And he doesn’t mean to be so rude but he just doesn’t have the energy to be friendly.

  “I have something for you”

  “I hope you are not talking about some more pills”,Harry really was awful.

  “No,but _somebody_ wrote you a letter”. Was he dreaming? He was just reading-what is happening?

  “Am I dreaming ?”,he blurted out.

  Jay chuckled softly and extended her hand in which she was holding an envelope with his name written on it.

  “Who’s it from?”,was the least he could ask.

  “Take a guess”,she said smiling.

  “Thanks”.And she left and let Harry alone with whatever is that he was holding.

  Carefully he opened the letter only to see a small bag of what smells like yorkshire tea? And a handwritten note.His heart was beating uncommonly fast and if he was not going to chill his heart monitor would go off and that would be a bummer. 

   After unfolding the paper he started reading.

 

  _Dear Harry,_

 

_Before I write anything I want you to know that I am a soft idiot,a sentimental motherfucker if you will._

_Just letting you know I never really wrote a letter like this but the reason behind it is to remind you of the gentle,beautiful and kind things in the world. Firstly, fairytales and old books are the absolute best. Then close to that is the scent of bakeries in the morning and even better,snow that looks like powdered sugar.How could I forget about songs that understand you or the ones that make you dance._

_But my favorite is the gentle crunch of leaves and warm mugs of hot tea on a chilly weather while you listen to that one album that you can play on repeat whiteout getting sick of._

_Oh and the ocean.Making people blush and drunk-texting is fun as well._

_Hopefully your day is not as blue anymore._

 

_-Louis._

 

Yes.Harry is dreaming,definitely dreaming. But just to be sure he is going to get a cup of hot water and make some tea.No particular reason.

———

  An hour has passed since he left the hospital and he didn’t receive anything neither from his mom or the curly haired boy. Until the screen of his phone lightened.

  **From:Harry**

**Yorkshire ?**

**soft idiot :)**

 

  **From:Louis**

  **I mean you are a cute-tea**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and let me know what do you think about it.


	5. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another conversation. Another idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t have school today so I have another chapter for you.I don’t know how good this chapter is though.  
>  Thank you again fot all the support.I love reading your comments!
> 
> -N.

  Time passes fast when you are happy.Louis should know because before he knew he was getting ready to go to the hospital.

   The previous day,after he dropped the letter he came back home ,started a new song and helped Liam cook. Something was making Louis giddy like he was in highschool again.

   He’s had his fair number of pretty boys that stumbled in his life and then left right after they came. Literally. So with Harry,even though they barely know each other, it’s all based on conversation and cuteness.No gross bars and cheap alcohol neither hungry looks from men after he gets off stage.

   Now, if he was to be honest,the last time he’s got his heart broken he didn’t leave his house for a week and wrote some songs so sad that even if he tries to sing the chorus he breaks down crying. And it started sweet and slow but he fell in too deep and the person he was with didn’t know how to swim.He refuses to think about that time,and since he had no serious relationships,only hurried touches from random men.

   Now,pushing past the hospital doors he went straight to the recreational room,where he played the previous times and was welcomed by a few kids and sitting in the middle of them,the man of his dreams,um-Harry he means.

   As soon as their eyes met Louis lips parted and a giggle escaped for no particular reason but just seeing the man makes butterflies dance in his tummy. He politely greeted everyone,his mom coming and hugging him and then he made his way to the chair he sat in enough times by now.

   Today he was feeling like he could woo anyone so he started with one of his favorite songs _Night changes .He_ wrote this song quite a long time ago but he thinks it’s a piece of art. If he keeps playing this king of songs to kids he is sure some nurse is going to yell at him,but the sparkles in Harry’s eyes are worth it.

    A few more appropriate tunes later, most of the people that were occupying the room dissipated but not him.Louis couldn’t help but notice all the needle marks on the boys hands and the dark circles around his eyes that were worryingly dark but even with all that he looked breathtaking in a way that Louis never thought of.

   They just stared at each other and suddenly Harry smiled as bright as the sun.  _Dimples ._ Louis needed to touch but he will be damned if he will manage to scare the boy away that fast.

   “Write me a letter and now you ignore me?”,he said lightly but there was that thing again _._ Louis mind was screaming at him that something was wrong but he couldn’t tell what.

   “So I’m taking you liked it?”

   “Yea,really did”,he said smirking.

   “Where’s all this confidence from?”,he couldn’t help but ask.He didn’t mean it in a bad way but the first time they talked he was this blooming flower but now,he was talking like one of the guys from the gross bars.

———

  “Where’s all this confidence from?”,Louis asked.Harry thought that’s how he has to act for someone to be interested in him. Surely, after the look on Louis face, he was wrong.

  Harry shrugged and tried to act as natural as possible,smiling and looking from under his lashes but he could tell Louis knew. He could tell Harry was a nervous wreck but obviously he was just being polite. That really didn’t take too long to ruin,Harry thought.

 ———

  Louis had to think of a more comfortable place for them to talk.Since they can’t go to a coffee shop they have to improvise.

  “So I was wondering,would you like to grab a coffee with me?”,he asked hesitantly because what if he wasn’t allowed to drink coffee.

   “Um..I not really allowed to leave-“

   “In the hospitals cafeteria,I mean. Only if you want”.He really was trying but getting to know the mystery hospital boy was tough. After a moment of hesitation a quiet “Sure” made it’s way to Louis ear.

   He didn’t know what to feel when Harry had to drag the iv stand after him. Again,not in a bad way, he was just worried if the boy needed help and was too shy to ask or if it was even a good thing that he was walking the distance from the room to the cafeteria.He assumed that if Harry needed help,he would ask.

   The hospitals cafeteria was exactly how he knew it since he was a kid and was visiting his mom to work almost every day. Small black tables that could fit four chairs, and a few coffee machines that were placed next to the shiny metal buffet.

   The boys made their way to one of the coffee machines and got their beverages. One awkward moment was when they got to one of the empty tables and there was this one second when out of habit,Louis almost took a seat next to Harry.

   Now sitting in front of the other, words seem to not exist for them.It took a couple more seconds for Harry to take a sharp breath and then start taking. “Look,I don’t know what’s going on but you’re really sweet and I’m sure would like to know why am I here but I’m not exactly comfortable talking about that. Long story short you met me at a very strange time in my life”.Louis,the moron he was, just stood there staring and not making a sound. 

   “Harry”,he said slowly,”you don’t have to do or tell me anything you don’t want to”.

    The boy exhaled the breath he was apparently holding and resumed “Ok,yea.So-“.

    “What kind of music do you listen to?”Louis cut off because it was clear Harry wasn’t much of a conversation carrier.

     “I listen to a bit of everything.I liked all the songs _you_  played up to this point”.

     “Careful there,mate.No need to sweet talk me to be friends”.

     There was a pause when Harry drifted his eyes away and then put on the fakest smile Louis ever saw “No, really. You are a good singer and songwriter,guess you picked  your career right”.

      “Talking about that,how old are you?”

      “ ‘M 19,you?”

      “21”.Harry lifted an eyebrow “How old did you think I was?”

      “Tough question.You look anywhere from 19 to 25”,he said teasingly.

      “Funny. Now,where do you see yourself in ..let’s say 2 years?”

      “2 years? And be as old as you”.

      “Yea,and be as old as a fucking dinosaur”,Louis snorted.

      “Well I wanted to become a writer or a photographer but I donno”

      “That’s it? Your big life plan? I was hoping to hear about you wanting to have a tiny flat decorated with fairy lights or something”.Harry looked at him blankly.

———

   Louis was asking him about his life plan in 2 years but Harry was wondering if he was going to still be alive in 2 years. Probably not a good idea to tell him that though.

     He just answered with what he was planning to do after highschool.Speaking of, he should get on all the assignments he missed if he still wants to graduate.

———

    The conversation flowed easily between them with Harry dodging every question Louis was asking and Louis pretending he didn’t notice.

     At one point they were talking about how Louis once forgot the lyrics on stage and Harry was freely laughing and getting angry stares from the other people in the cafeteria. But for once neither of them cared.This was a good experience for both of them because it was new and interesting.

    “So when is the next show?”

    “Hm..the day after tomorrow.We are playing at the opening of this club,it will be a huge stage”.

     “Wish I could make it..”,said Harry pouting.

     “Wish you could make it as well”,Louis sort of whispered.

     “I promise you that the first thing I am doing after I get out of here is to go to one of your performances”,it was an empty promise.They both knew,but hey it was better than nothing.

     Right then,a nurse Louis knew as his moms friend was approaching the table they were seated at. “Mr. Styles, you have an appointment with doctor Grimshaw in 15 minutes”. Harry’s expression changed into something like annoyance and pain but it was not Louis place to say anything.

     The nurse looked at Louis “Hey Louis,a big fan of volunteer,I heard”,she said with a shit-eating grin.His mom must’ve told the whole hospital about him and Harry.

     “ _Really big_ ”,he replied slow and articulated just because he could and because he enjoyed making nosy people uncomfortable.

      The nurse went to wait for Harry by the door and it was left for the boys to say their goodbyes.

        “Guess I should go”,Louis said.

        “Thanks for hanging out with me”

        “I should thank you,and it was really a lot of fun”

       One second. Two seconds. Three seconds of them just standing until Harry opened his arms and hugged Louis weakly. When they pulled back they were both smiling.

———

       When Louis got home he was alone,his friends being out to get something to eat.He was laying flat on his back in the middle of his bed blankly staring at the ceiling when it hit him.

       The next letter had to take place and he knew exactly what he wanted to make it about. 

        Once Louis touched the paper with his pen the words just started to appear .He never thought he would be writing letters to someone before 50 but here he is.He also made a mental note to buy more envelopes,you know,just in case.

———

      Harry was seated in an examination room all happy and bubbly. That had to change because God forbid the universe let him be happy for once.

       “Mr. Styles,what a surprise!”, and Harry could at least try and be polite because Nick always tried to make him smile.

        “Truly.But I have to ask, does an apple a day keep the doctor away?”

       “Only if you aim it well enough”,ok Harry had to give it that to him.That was a good one.”So Harry,I have some news for you”.

         “Am I dying?”,it was supposed to be a joke but Harry was a tiny bit concerned.

        “No Harry,you are not dying but the new pills I am going to prescribe you for the heart palpitations have as a side effects dizziness.”

        “So I’m not dying?”,he pressed just to be annoying. Dizziness wasn’t something he wasn’t familiar with,he’d taken medication with that side effect before and it usually goes away after a while.

       “Honestly you are killing me,you are going to start the new prescription in two days.”

       “Ok. Anything else?”

     “Heard you started to spend more time out of your room”,no Harry was not discussing that with his doctors .

       “It gets boring after a while”,what a weak attempt to conceal the obvious.

       “Coffee is not good for you”.The comment surprisingly made Harry giggle.

 ———

      _What a time to be alive_ ,Louis thought the next morning when he woke up.Well morning was a relative thing since him and Niall had a fifa tournament all night and they went to sleep close to five a.m.

     His plan for the day was to buy his mom some flowers because she is wonderful,in the process convince her to give Harry another letter then come back home and finish some songs.

      A short trip to the flower store and a long bus wait later he was wondering the hospital corridors looking for his mummy.

      “Lou,who are this flowers for?”,she asked more than surprised when she spotted him in the building.

      “For you”,he extended the bouquet towards her “I love you mum”.

      “I love you too,boobear.And honestly I love how you are at the hospital as often as I am”.

      “Yea,um do you by any chance have to go towards Harry’s room today?”,saying it was like ripping a band-aid off. Quick but painful.

     “Heard you took him for coffee yesterday. Baby,I don’t know if this is a smart idea”,aand his mom too.

      “Ok but can you please give him this”,he said handing his mom a letter.

      “Only because you got me flowers”,she said sarcastically because Louis is sure she would still help him even if he would just ask .

———

     Harry’s peace was disturbed by none other than a knock on the door.At least it was Jay and not some nurse that didn’t care about him at all.

     “Lucky you”,she said rolling her eyes and smiling.

     “What happened?”,he asked confused.

     “I should start working at a post office at this point “,Jay added while dropping the letter by Harry’s hand.

      “Thank you”,Harry muttered.After Jay left him once again he opened the letter in a rush only to find a tiny cut out of an apartment.The tiny picture looked like it was taken from an interior design magazine.

 

    _Dear Harry,_

_I hope two years from now you are swaying your hips gently when your favorite song comes on while you are baking cookies at three a.m .I also hope two years from now the love of your life takes you to the prettiest places and I hope your future apartment is full of your photography and fairy lights._

 

_Hugs,Louis._

              

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and thank you again for reading!


	6. Well..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry surprises Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you guys for the love and support. I also had a lot of fun with this chapter so I hope you enjoy.  
>  Let me know what you think in the comments!  
>  By the way, I know the way I talk about the hospital procedures and so might be inaccurate but I try my best to keep it as real as I can.<3  
>  -N.

The London weather was just how Louis liked it. Rainy and calm. Enjoying the sound of rain drops hitting the window was one of his hobbies. Another one of his hobbies was writing songs and that is what he was trying to do when his friends came in to interrupt the silence.

“Guess what I have here!”,exclaimed Niall as he was waving around some papers.

“Tickets to Hawaii?”,Louis, his twat-self answered.

“Close”,Liam remarked amused “It’s the schedule for tomorrow’s club opening”.

“That’s cool too”,and if he sounded uninterested he was definitely lying because he was so excited he could scream.

“So we have to be there early in the morning for sound-check then drop the guitars ,come back home ,change and get back to the club in time for the performance”,Niall said almost in one breath.

All three of them agreed on the times and kept planning but Louis certainly forgot one thing. He was supposed to be volunteering the next morning.

———

He really did not realize. He got up,made sure all his friends were up too and went on with his day until his mom texted him.

 

**From:Mom**

**See you today! love you**

 

Right after he finished reading the short text he pressed the call button and waited for her to pick up.After the third ring a voice was audible from the other side of the receiver.

“Good morning Lou! Everything alright?”

“Well yea. Actually,no. Remember when I told you me and the boys are going to play on this really important stage?”

“Of course. And you know how proud I am of you guys”.

“Thank you,mom. But there is a problem, we have to be there this morning to do a sound check and-“

“You can’t make it to the hospital today. Love it’s ok ,don’t put that over your job”.Louis sighed in relief at his mom’s words.

“Love you”

“I love you too,boobear. And good luck today!”

When the call ended he got ready and made his way with his friends to the place they were going to perform. It was the opening of one of the biggest clubs in London and they are still confused about how did they manage to get booked.

“This is huge!”,Niall pointed out and it actually made Louis laugh because he heard that before but in a completely different context.And honestly it really was huge-the club he means. The stage was in the middle of an enormous room and there were so many lights that if they were all turned on together they were as bright as the sun.

The owner of the club,James, welcomed them with a smile and Louis thought he looked way too nice to own a nightclub.

 

The rehearsal was going great, everything was sounding good and everybody was excited up until Louis pulled out his phone.

   **From:Harry**

**So I’m not going to hear you sing today??**

**Not fair :(**

So this was a new situation. Louis had an idea but it had to wait a little bit longer up until everybody was going on lunch break.

It didn’t take long and his plan was about to take place.He was all alone in this room with everybody either going home or to get food. His excuse to stay behind was that he needed to practice a little bit more on his guitar.

As if now ,he was trying to balance his phone on a box with the screen facing him and his guitar on his lap. From a few quick taps on the screen he was now trying to facetime Harry.It was a stupid idea,he knows but it was still better than not to see him at all.

Louis was really nervous until Harry’s bright smile appeared on the screen. This phone was now blessed and nobody could change Louis mind.

“Hi!”,Harry said happily.

“Sorry to disturb but I too,thought it was unfair that I would not get to see you”.Louis knows this was kind of cheesy but the way Harry was smiling with his tinted cheeks and long curly hair and green eyes. It was worth it, ok.

“Are you still in rehearsals? Lou if you are busy don’t worry about me”

“Relax,technically yes I am still working but practically I am on a break so..”

“So you are wasting your break on me?”

“I’m not wasting anything,now let me play you a song”.

“I get to talk to you _and_ hear you sing?”

“Consider yourself lucky,curly”

And so Louis started to play the accords he knew too well. He played for crowds and crowds of people before but none of them gave him butterflies while he sang. It was really a magical moment,to see the boy on which he developed a crush abnormally fast, look at him so intensely . It made him all giddy like he was 15 again.

When he finished the song they both pretended that time was not real and sat there smiling . If Harry didn’t move his phone you would have thought you were looking at two pictures.

Some voices were heard in the background from Harry’s end ,and when he looked again at the screen he looked a mixture of sad and disappointed. “I’ve got to go. Sorry..”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m happy I got to talk to you”.

“Me too. And thanks for the call”.

“My pleasure”,Louis said winking,”See you”.

“Love you,bye”,Harry replied and right before the call disconnected Harry’s face was absolutely mortified. Louis,on the other hand,was smiling so hard his face was threatening to split in half.

He knows it was probably just some reflex and Harry didn’t mean the i love you ,but it was still adorable and it surely made his day.

———

 _Breathe.One.Two.Three_. Harry hoped that what his therapist told him to do would work but in this situation it did not help. He was panicking and struggling to breathe just because he told Louis he loves him. It was just something he was used to de before hanging up.

To make everything worse ,because that’s how Harry’s life worked, his heart monitor went off and with that he was waiting for some nurses to come and tell him to breathe. As if he didn’t know that already. Louis Tomlinson would be the death of him.

———

A short fight about what were they going to wear,they all agreed on some jeans and black t-shirts because it was night and they thought it will look good or whatever.They were there to sing not to model.

   Once they were there,they went really quickly over the setlist and before they knew it they were on stage. The electrifying energy that was transmitted by the audience got the boys high in a matter of seconds. What they are doing has to be the best job in the world.

    With each song and each round of applause the end of the performance was closer. But they were never off stage before Louis scanned the crowd a bit. In the far back,near the entrance, there was a tall,lean man with his hair in a bun. If Louis didn’t know better he would have thought it was Harry.

     Taking in the last applause and they were getting off  stage. The funny thing is that the curly bun man was coming towards them and when he finally got to see his face Louis heart stopped. His breathing itched at the sight of Harry.

     He was wearing black skinny jeans and a black long sleeve,Louis assumed because he had needle marks, and he looked better than anyone in the fucking club.

     “Harry _what the fuck?”,_ was the first thing Louis said because the last time he saw Harry he was strapped to a drip and now he is in a club.

     Harry started giggling at Louis  shocked expression “Surprise!”.

     Louis was only human and went and gave Harry the biggest hug, only to be sure he was real and that he was not hallucinating and ,maybe because he was curious how Harry smelled. Harry was there. And he watched them perform.Them .His friends.

     He turned around and caught Liam with one eyebrow raised smirking and Niall beaming like his happy-self.

     “Well then,let me introduce you to my best friends and also my band mates”.Louis placed a careful hand on the small of Harry’s back guiding him to his friends. It wasn’t ment to be flirty or anything like that, Louis just felt the need to protect Harry in the place they were in.

    “Guys this is Harry”,said Louis slowly with a pointed look to make sure his friends behaved.

    “I’m Niall and this is Liam”,and Niall is the best. Based on the look of Liam’s face something bad was about to leave his mouth. Even though Liam is ,in fact a sweetheart,he is also crazy-protective.

     Harry shook both of their hands and surprisingly enough he slipped his empty palm in Louis hand. The gesture made Louis question if the person holding his hand was really the person he met at the hospital.

     Louis made a subtle gesture to his friends to dip so he could be alone with Harry and ask a few questions. As soon as his friends left he looked at their hands and smiled “How the bloody-hell have you manage to get here?”,Louis asked light hearted while laughing a bit.

    “Well I did promise you I will come and see you guys play”,he said sheepishly.

    Louis knows Harry straight up dodged the question but he was scared that if he kept asking more, Harry will disappear.

    “Want to dance?”,was the only appropriate thing to ask.

    “Sure”

   The dance floor looked like an abused chess board.The black and white tiles were full of spilled drinks and a few clothing items but even like that it was amazingly animated by all the bodies that were being moved by the beat. If you looked past the floor, it was like dancing between the Northern Lights; beneath the dry-ice smoke swirled an array of blues, acid greens, hot pinks and gold. There was no other place they would be at right now.

    Harry was smirking mischievously at Louis like he was challenging him. Louis, being how he is, wanted to show Harry not to play around so turned around and pressed his back to Harry’s chest. It was supposed to be something playful but once Harry placed his hands on Louis hips it took a completely different twist.

———

   How did Harry manage to go out of a hospital and to a club? Well..his mom visited and Harry  asked if he could attend the concert of his favorite band. It will be fast he would be back really quick. It took all his puppy eyes power and all the convincing in the world for her to say yes.

   He also had to make a specific plan of how to convince his doctor and the nurses to go out for a few hours. His mom dropped him there and he agreed with his sister to come pick him up after the concert. 

  He didn’t take in consideration the fact that his heart might stop when he would see Louis dance.He thought that if he acted confident and smug everything would be alright. How was he supposed to keep his breathing steady when Louis was pressed so obscenely against him.

   When Louis asked him to dance he quietly sweared his anxiety for being so awful with crowds. But _Louis_. He was capturing all of Harry’s attention and making all of his racing thoughts stop.

———

   Too many songs later they were exhausted. When they stopped dancing they realized how suffocating the atmosphere actually was. They needed some fresh air.

   Louis placed Harry’s hand in his and carefully surfed between bodies until they were outside. They found themselves outside in the chilly weather,sitting on the edge of the sidewalk.

    “Do you mind if I smoke?”

    “You smoke?”

    “Yea,sorry if you don’t like it I’ll just-“

    “Never tried it”,Harry admitted honestly.

    “Oh.”

    “So that means you can light it”,Harry said with a small smile.

    “Are you going to tell me honestly about how you got here or do you want me to guess?”.Louis decided to open the subject because this is not a thing that happens too often.A few seconds of silence and Harry put his head in Louis lap staring up at the sky and closing his eyes.

    Louis dropped it and took the time to observe Harry’s features in detail.How red and full his lips were and how adorable were his tiny freckles. 

     When Harry opened his eyes he locked them with Louis and did the thing that makes thousands of butterflies come alive in Louis system. He smiled so brightly that his dimples popped out.

     Louis attached a cigarette to his lips as Harry stared at the sky. “Isn’t the moon beautiful?” he asked with his eyes still glued to the sky.

    When Louis looked up, a hand picked the cigarette out of his mouth. Looking back down Harry was trying to take a drag out of it. The shorter lad didn’t think anything about it until Harry started to cough. “Easy there” he said as he brought him in a sitting position. “Please tell me that was from the cigarette and not from anything else”.

    “How can you smoke this thing?”,Harry asked laughing as he gave the cigarette back to Louis.

     “Been doing it for years”

     “Why?”

     “We all have something that takes the pain and stress away. Mines smoking.”

     After that it was silent with them both sitting on the sidewalk with Harry leaning his head on Louis shoulder.

     “Where are your friends?”,Harry decided to ask to break the silence.

     “Inside. When they will get bored they will come look for us”,Louis said as he stared at a coin that was stuck into a piece of gum next to his leg. Harry just hummed and switched his attention to the coin.

———

    Harry was never like this. Never really enjoyed physical contact but when he was with Louis he craved it. It was like Louis was a magnet and Harry had to always stay close to him

    He promised himself he would never fall in love but it was 1am and they were looking at the stars and Harry felt happy for the first time in a long time. The thought that this could have been his life was making his eyes burn with tears.

    He imagined himself and Louis in a lot of scenarios. Harry could be a photographer and by night time come and support Louis in his concerts. They could go to tiny coffee shops and old bookstores and- it was all a dream.

    The thoughts were put on pause as he heard his phone ring in his pocket and it was Gem.

He could see her car parked a little down the road from where he was sitting so he started pouting “My ride’s here”.

    “Thanks for coming.And stop pouting.”

    “M’not”.

     “You are and it’s cute”,said Louis as he helped Harry stand.

      They both got up and embraced each other a bit too tight for it to be nothing and parted ways.

———

    Louis was watching Harry leave and he still couldn’t believe what happened. “It’s Tommo in love?”,he heard from behind him. Lima was completely wasted and Niall was laughing at all the nonsense he was saying.

    “Let’s go home you idiots”,he said joying in with laughter.

    

    As he was getting ready to sleep his phone screen lit up.

    **From:Harry**

  **I had a great time**

  **and you are a great singer:)**

  **stop smoking tho. it’s not good for you**

   

   Louis went to sleep smiling to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Get ready babies,the story from now on it’s going to be interesting.


	7. Chocolate cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for this. I’m not sure what went wrong.  
> Still hope you guys enjoy it.  
> And to all the people who leave comments and kudos:I HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL AND I WANT TO BAKE YOU COOKIES.

And from that day on..they were always in contact with each other with everybody else realizing it ,besides themselves. It started with Louis continuously dropping letters for Harry and then Harry was calling Louis at inhumanly hours at night . It was beautiful to watch,really.Even Niall and Liam stopped pressing the matter and just let them be without making the connection between the boy who they met at the concert and the one from the hospital. If they didn’t ask who was Louis to tell them?

So one day Louis and Harry were seated on some chairs in an empty waiting room talking about nothing whenHarry asked “You know what I would kill for right now?”. Louis just shook his head because Harry was looking like a happy kitten. “Chocolate cake”,was Harry’s answer.

Why was this not surprising ?

“Why don’t you just have some?

“And where do you expect me to get that from? Or would you like me to bake one?”,despite the sassy comment Louis loved that the boy grew so confident around him.

“Ok cake-man I’ll get you some.”

“You’re so sweet,you’re giving me cavities”,and in the time he’s spent with Harry he knows that the boy has some pun for most of the situations .Louis would never admit it but he loved every single one of them.

In response Louis rolled his eyes and smiled.

And that’s just how it was between them,easy conversation and not so many awkward moments. Sure,Harry was shy and some days he barely spoke a word but others he made Louis laugh so hard he couldn’t breathe .

“Promise to bring you some cake next time I see you”

“What you are saying is that I’m not getting any cake today?”,Harry said cheekily. And Harry knows well enough that Louis got work and a life outside him but he still likes to pretend he doesn’t.

The ocean-eyes boy looked at him apologetically and shrugged “I kinda have to work this thing with the boys-“

“Louis!”,Harry stopped him from ranting “I was joking,but next time I’m expecting some cake” he said winking.

“You know what was yesterday though?”

“Not your birthday?”

“Not that,but it wasthe premiere to this movie and I really want to see it with you”.

———

“Louis,I would love to go to the movies but I am not really allowed to leave the hospital anymore”,and it was Harry’s turn to look apologetic.

“Not to actually go,you silly goose. But I can bring my laptop and we can watch it together if you want.”

 

Harry’s face broke into a grin and all he managed was a nod and he knew it was settled. “We would have to go to my room though..”

“And we can’t? “,Louis carefully questioned.

“I mean,we can but I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything”.Harry was expecting an eye-roll or something of that nature but all he got was a fond look.

“Haz,my mom works here. I used to come visit her all the time when I was little,it’s really not a problem”.

“Ok then”,he said yawning “you bring cake and popcorn and we can have a movie-day”.

“The nurses are going to kick me out if they see how much food I’ll sneak in”

“They are not drugs, it should be fine”.

Louis smiled for a moment and decided to completely change the subject “Are you tired?”.Fuck.

“No.”

And what shit-show was that? Why did he say no? He knew he was tired,Louis knew he was tired ,everybody knew he was tired. Why was he tired? Because his thoughts would not shut up,he tried everything. Listen to music,read before he went to bed,he even tried crying himself to sleep but nothing really worked.

The only reason his existence was not miserable was because ofLouis.

Louis who he could call at two am and ask him what is the wildest thing he ever did in a hotel room.And Louis who doesn’t know why Harry is in a hospital for so long and the same Louis who made him laugh and write him letters and just gives him a reason to fight one more day.

 

H only realized he was staring at the wall behind the person in front of him when the shorter manleaned a bit in the direction he was staring. “Love,are you sure you are ok ?”

Harry snapped out of it and realized he was supposed to have a conversation “Yea,sorry,just blanked out”

“S’okay. I should go though if I don’t want me mates to get mad”

“See you. And hope you bring some good cake”.

“The best.”

And that’s how they parted ways.

“Mr. Styles you should be in bed right now “ he heard a voice coming from the end of the hall. When he focused to see who it was he was not really surprised to see Jay.

Harry snorted and continued the dialogue “did you just call me mr. Styles? M’not exactly that old”.

“If my son keeps interfering with your health and the indications the doctor gives you I will tell him not to stop by anymore “. And even if it was just some sort of scolding it was still some sort of punishment for Harry,not to see Lou.

“And just so you know, I am aware that you went to his concert the night you said your favorite band was playing “,she continued.

“How did you know?”,he asked because there was nothing else he could do.

Jay shrugged and motioned for Harry to follow.Once in his room he sat on the bed and waited patiently for Jay to give him his medication.

“Please don’t tell him to stop visiting..” he said not meeting her eyes . Jay’s brows drew together until she realized what Harry was talking about.

“Harry you know I don’t want any of you to be sad but if his presence makes you get worse then I don’t have many choices “.

And Harry was having none of that. He knew better than to argue so he decided to be as impolite as he could and put his headphones in and turned his back to Jay. This was unnecessary and he knew that it doesn’t matter how much he acts like a child, what Jay said was going to happen if he doesn’t pay more attention.

 

———

Tomorrow Louis was supposed to deliver the best cake the other boy ever tasted but until then he had other priorities. Liam caught a cold and someone had to look after him and because Niall was out to run some errands.And it was Louis turn to look after him.Not that he minded. Again,Louis absolutely loves Liam, just the way he shows that is unique.

Louis softly opened his friend’s bedroom door and he saw him curled tightly in the duvet with a bunch of tissues blooming around like flowers.

Liam was snoring loudly and coughing every so often. Lou placed a hand on his forehead to make sure he didn’t have a fever and decided to let him sleep a bit more while he made some tea and looked for some flu medication.

The apartment was quiet when he heard a door being forcefully opened . Louis ran to the place he heard the noise come , only to find Liam bent over the toilet while his hands gripped his stomach. The petite man placed a soothing hand on his friends back while he emptied all the food he had consumed that day.

“I’m here,Li. Easy there lad.”

After Liam finished ,Louis fetched him a glass of water and helped his friend back to the bedroom.”Do you feel like you are gonna throw up again?”,he was not a nurse like his mom and he was trying to be helpful.

The brown eyed boy shrugged so Louis brought him a bucket they used for painting their apartment. “Here”,he pointed to the bucket.”Please don’t throw up on the floor” Louis nicely asked because he didn’t want to clean up stuff like that.

Unexpectedly he did pick us some things from his mom. He went in the room and picked all the used tissues and brought Liam a new box of them. Then he made his friend tea and brought his pills and biscuits and made sure he ate something.

Louis wrapped Liam in blankets like a burito and placed in front of him a laptop with a comedy playing to cheer him up. He did a pretty good job.

“Thanks”,Liam managed to say with a smile. Louis smiled back and wrapped his mate into his arms holding him tight.

 

Neither of them remember when they fell asleep but the movie stopped playing and Niall was standing in front of the bed.

“Cuddling without me?” the irish said and then jumped on the bed next to them already looking for another movie to watch.

Louis came to all of his senses and remembered why he was holding Liam. “Love do you need anything?”. Li shook his head and resumed cuddling with his friends. They were seated like a proper knot:Liam was sitting in the middle with Louis arms wrapped around him and with Niall on his chest. Surprisingly it was comfortable enough to watch a movie.

 

In the middle of a funny scene Louis phone lit up with a text .

 

**From:Haz**

**are you still coming tomorrow?**

**From:Louis**

**um..yea**

**you don’t want me to anymore?**

 

This was raising a question mark in Louis head. Was everything ok with Harry? He was thinking to drop one of his letters today because he haven’t wrote him one in a while.

 

**From:Haz**

**of course I want you too**

**just making sure**

———

 

  “Hm”,Louis hummed to himself while he thought how was he supposed to hide a bag of popcorn , some damn cake and his laptop in his tiny backpack.

And just let it be known that Louis made sure he bought the best cake he could find because god forbid he would bake anything.

“Where are you going?” Niall asked leaning on the wall next to him.

“Um..I have to drop some stuff”.

“Lou,I have to go and reschedule performances and you said last night you could watch Liam for a bit. I also need to go and buy him some medication.”

“Niall, please. I need two hours and after that I’m staying with him the whole day”,he begged and Niall loves him too much to say no to him.

“Fine. And you can borrow my bag to fit all that”,ha said eyeing the pile of food.

Louis launched himself at Niall,embracing him and ruffling his fluffy hair. “Can I ask where are you going?”

“The least you know the better”,replied Louis before he started stuffing Niall’s bag.

 

———

 

The backpack was heavy but it didn’t matter since he finally made it to the hospital. If you would have told Louis he would be here so often a few weeks ago he would have said you were crazy.

Most of the nurses,including his mom, knew where he was going but most of them still enjoyed asking so they could gossip later. “Louis”,he heard from behind him and he already knew it was his mom.

“Hey”

“Hello love,what are you doing?”

“Visiting Harry?”

After the look on her face and the deep breath she took it was obvious that bad news were approaching. “Listen, I know you two are friends but I feel the need to remind you that he is sick”.

His moms words were making very little sense in his head and it probably showed on his face because his mom asked “He didn’t tell you why he is here,did he ?”

And Louis had no idea where this discussion was going so he shook his head and waited for his mom to continue “Put it that way, he needs to rest.He can’t really rest if you are here.”

“So are you telling me to stop visiting?”

“No no boobear.Just make them a bit less frequent.”

“Oh”,he said dumbly because he hasn’t realized that him being there was interfering with Harry’s health.

“Now go on,he’s probably waiting.”

Without another word he went straight to room 28,where Harry was supposed to be.Louis softly knocked on the white door and waited until there was a soft “come in “from the other side. Before he opened it he made sure that the envelope was still in his jeans back pocket.

“Hey cake-man”.And Harry started smiling and Louis heart melted just a bit.

“So I’m taking you brought what I asked “,Harry said in a low tone.

“Yep. Brought the good stuff”,Louis said pulling the hood of his jumper over his head which made Harry laugh loudly.

As Louis started to pull out of the bag all the various sweets and snacks he could also feel Harry’s gaze on him so he looked up just so he could shoot the boy a smile. When most of the contents of the bag were on the hospital bed there was the most important thing:the cake.

“Mr. Styles, here’s what you asked for”,Louis said while he grabbed the plastic box from the bag and placed it next to the plastic spoons,on the table .

Harry didn’t say anything but he threw his arms around Louis neck,in a short hug. “Thanks,really. Don’t know anyone who would snuggle stuff in here for me”.

“ ‘S not a big deal. Besides, you said yourself, it’s not like they are drugs.”

“Let’s watch a movie then”,Harry said throwing his arms up.

 

And there they were, squeezed in some hospital bed ,next to an unfairly pretty boy with a laptop between them and chocolate cake in their mouths. Louis said two hours? Well it’s been almost three and he didn’t even leave the room.

Somehow they boys ended up cuddling,with Harry’s back pressed against Louis chest and Louis arm thrown over Harry’s shoulder. It was comfortable ok? So comfortable Louis didn’t even realize that Harry fell asleep so when he did notice he went apeshit at the sound of his phone ringing.

It should be an olympic sport to wiggle out of a cuddle session without waking up the other person but Louis try was a success.He managed to place the new letter on the boys nightstand and then walk in the hallway so he could talk on the phone.

“Niall I’m sorry, I lost track of time.”

“Fuck your apology, can I at least know were you are?” ,here we go..

“At the hospital..”

“So you are telling mi that you are there when your best mate is sick at home?” And this conversation was making him way too nervous that it was normal so he was walking back and forth in the hallway.

“Well people that are in the hospital are sick too,you know?” and Niall’s scoff signaled that he was not buying his excuse so he had to come up with a bigger lie. “Niall you met the boy I’m hanging out with here, Harry, you know the boy that came to our concert.” Louis waited until he heard a hum from the other side so he knows that Niall remembers “Yea he’s in the hospital and he is more of a charity project for me you know? To make him happy and all that. I can’t just leave because that would be rude”,the lie felt bitter on his tongue because Harry was for a fact way more than a charity project.Maybe more than a friend even.

“So he doesn’t mean anything to you?” and Louis pressed his forehead against the wall that was in front of him and repeated what Niall said.

“No Niall he doesn’t mean anything to me now can you leave me alone? See you at home, I’ll be back soon”.

And it’s like he forgot how to breathe when he turned around and saw Harry in the doorway with his lip shaking and eyes full of tears. Oh no no Louis didn’t.

“Harry I didn’t mean it-“

“SO THAT’S WHAT I AM ? A CHARITY PROJECT?”he yelled as a tear escaped his eye “So I really don’t mean anything to you..”he continued as few more tears escaping.

“Please..”

“Leave!” was the only thing he managed to say before he was struggling to breathe and a few nurses were rushing towards him.

Louis was frozen in place despite the numerous nurses and doctors that were telling him to move from the way but he was so shocked with the realization that his mom was 100% right. He made Harry worse. He saw Harry being rushed back to his room by a bunch of doctors.

He exited the hospital and kicked the first water bottle he saw on the ground yelling “WHAT THE FUCK?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think <3 love you


	8. I hate you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry figures out what he feels for Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this story is not really making sense anymore.Let me know if I should continue it or not.  
>  If there are any spelling or grammar mistakes they are all mine,you can’t have them :)  
>  Hope you guys enjoy this one !
> 
> -N.

     Harry felt like his lungs were filling with water,as if there was less and less space for air.Next came the rising panic, the dizzy feeling and the need to get low on the ground.After that everything was quiet. For the first time in a long while. Quiet.

    When it came to Harry’s medical issues there was no one else to blame. Not his mom,not his sister and definitely not Louis. But is this particular case,as he was trapped in his own mind it made him feel like for the first time in a while it was not his fault. It was Louis who triggered the reaction.

   Speaking of, Harry might have missed out on a lot of things as a teen but even like that he never asked for anyone’s pity or attention. So for him to be called a”charity project” it broke his heart. Literally.

 

   The next thing he remembers is waking up in the afternoon with his sister sitting on a chair ,next to his bed. Harry was also strapped to endless machines and drips making it uncomfortable for him to move.

   He blinked a few times trying to adjust his eyes to the light in the room and moved a shaky hand a few inches to try and catch his sisters attention.

  “Haz,you’re awake! I need to go and announce the nurses.”

  “Wait! Before you go can you please tell me what happened?”he said in a deep and raw voice from misuse.

  Gemma gave him a funny look but started talking nonetheless “The doctor said you had a panic attack which really exhausted your body.”

   “Oh.” _that makes sense ,_ he thought.

   “Yea, and when I got here there was this letter on your bedside table” she said slowly in an accusing manner “and I’m pretty sure you got around 1000 texts from this person “ _Lou”._ Harry you know you can tell me anything”

    As bad as Harry was feeling he knew he owed his sister an explanation but first “What letter are you talking about?”. Gem opened a drawer and pulled out an envelope with the name _Haz_ and a sticker of a kitten on front.

    “Thank you for not opening it”,he said because what else was he supposed to say?

    “Wouldn’t invade your privacy”she said shrugging “But I still want to know what’s going on”.

    It was now or never. Harry took deep breath,or something similar because he wasn’t feeling so good,and started telling his sister about the beautiful stranger who broke his heart more than it already was.

    He explained everything from the moment they met, to the concert she picked him up from and lastly the conversation he wasn’t ment to hear. It hurt telling her about his first crush and also his first heartbreak at the same time.

   “I swear,if I ever see that douchebag I’m going to be the one who will make him cry”said Gemma angrily and if Harry had to admit it was a bit scary to see his sister so mad.

    “Gem it’s fine”

    “No Harry,it’s not! How could someone make a person fall for them and then say they are a charity project?” he knew she was right and he could also feel the tears pooling in his eyes but could he really blame Louis?

     Harry was some no-one who had no talent whatsoever and was literally nothing special. And to top that he was also stuck in a hospital. Why did Harry ever think that what he had with Louis was more that a platonic _friendship_ ,if you could even call it that.

    “Weren’t you going to get the nurse?”he told his sister so he could have some time with his thoughts.

    Love is just a dilemma people tend to believe in. Harry  observed that people use this term to actually cover up their actual concern. Loneliness is what you get out of it; it makes your life miserable, breaks your heart into thousand pieces and still each broken part of your heart misses the person who made the mess. He was not sad for what they were but for what they could’ve been if Harry was not so fucked up.

    His demons  were burning down every good memory he managed to get in the little time he spent with the person who was supposed to be his friend.

 

    With the corner of his eye he could see the little letter that remained after the literal disaster that went down so he thought he might as well open it before his sister returns and burns it.

   

    _Dear Harry,_

 

_Not even cake can be compared to how sweet you are._

_10 tablespoons of puns_

_4 teaspoons of dimples_

_5 tablespoons of courage_

_2 tablespoons of smiles_

_100ml of curls_

_1 teaspoon of a stupid-smoking friend_

_Mix them all together and bake for 1 hour at 360 degrees. Let it chill for a bit._

_DO NOT CONSUME ALL AT ONCE AS IT IS TOO SWEET!_

 

_Yours,Lou._

 

The letter was stupidly adorable and Harry decided he hated Louis. He hated him for his good looks and for his cuteness and for making Harry fall for him.

    Harry didn’t know he was crying up until a tear hit the paper. And how unfair the world is.

———  

    Regret washed over Louis like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down his spine. How he  longed to go back and do things differently,but now that was impossible. There was no way back. There was no way to make it right. The remorse would eat at him like a worm at the core of an apple.

    When he got back from the hospital he went straight to his room,not giving his friends a chance to ask what’s wrong.

    He did hear Niall’s frustration groans and then the front door which ment it was only Liam ,who was still sick,and him.

    “Lou, will you please tell me why are you locking yourself in there?”he heard Liam ask with a raspy voice from the other side of the door. And he kind of felt bad for him because he was the one who was sick and was supposed to be looked after.

     “Get back in bed. I’ll make some tea. Give me 5”.

     “Are you crying?”

     “No”,he was ,in fact,crying.

     “Ok then. I’ll be in bed waiting for tea”,he said and it really showed how bad Liam was feeling because if this was happening when he wasn’t sick he would have broke the door down.

     Because Louis didn’t want to make all the people he cared about hate him today ,he wiped angrily at the frustration tears that slipped and went in the kitchen to make some tea.

     He didn’t even know who to blame;himself for not telling the truth or at Niall for not letting him be.

    Actually he decided it didn’t even matter because he was mad at the world in that moment.

   

    While he was waiting for the water to boil his turmoil was boiling already in his gut. What if Harry was not ok? He definitely hated him now but like physically,was he ok?

     Not being able to control himself he pulled his phone and texted him a couple of times asking how he was feeling and apologizing and explaining it was all a misunderstanding.

    Louis stared at the screen enough time for the water to boil and decided he was the worst person to walk the planet.

 

    “Here”,he said while placing on Liam’s nightstand a cuppa.

    “Thanks”,he replied with a smile hoping his friend would return it,but with no success “Come on,Tommo what did you do?”

    “Why are you assuming that _I_ did something?”

    “You didn’t?”

    “I did”,said Louis like a child who is waiting for his punishment.

    “Go on then,tell me”

    “Lima you are sick. Rest.”

    “Not when my best friend is sad.Tell me what happened and let’s figure how to fix it”,Louis might be the worst person but he landed the bestest friends. Well he still had to figure out what to tell Niall and..well nothing makes sense anymore.

    Louis hugged Liam and mumbled in his hair “I fucked up big time and I don’t think it’s fixable”.And just like that he proceeded to tell his friend every little detail about him and then curly haired boy.

     “Why would you lie to Niall though ?”he asked calmly like the composed person Liam was.

     “I panicked ok?You know I wouldn’t lie to you guys.”

     “But you did.”

     “I didn’t lie,I just avoided the truth”.

     “Ok let’s say me and Niall brush the whole thing off. Not so sure about Harry,the lad seems to be going through a lot anyways.”

     “So what do I do..?”

     “Give Harry some space and talk it through with Niall”.

     “But Liaaam ,Harry hates me .I can’t just “give him some space” because he might think I actually ment what I said”,whined Louis.

      “Then what do you want to do huh? Harass him until he agrees to talk to you?”

      Louis was now pouting and thinking profoundly about what could he possibly do but Liam was once again right. Harry needed space.

———

     Lou was staring at the notebook he was holding because he was feeling so many things all at once that he thought songwriting would help a bit. News flash:it didn’t. But the paper reminded Louis of all the letters he sent to Harry and that made him write another one.

      _Dear Harry,_

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being stubborn and I’m sorry for saying something that I didn’t mean. You were the only person that I’d get excited to text and my favorite person to sing to._

_Everything you heard me say over the phone was a lie. I did not one second think of you less then a friend and sometimes more. I know you probably hate me now and I understand that._

_-you took my breath away every time I saw you-_

 

Before Louis got a chance to sign his name the screen of his phone lit up.

 

    **From:Harry**

**i hate you**

    

  And that was all Louis needed to see before ripping the paper in pieces.

———

   Harry never had a lot of friends and the ones he had never caused him any kind of drama but Louis was making him feel guilty. 

   When he opened his phone he read the texts he got from him over and over again. He hated it. Hated how it made him feel and hated Louis.

    At some point he decided to let Louis know as well so he wrote a text that he thought got the point across nicely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am as confused as you guys.
> 
> Let me know any thoughts or suggestions you might have down below!


	9. I still consider you my friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So firstly I want to thank everyone for supporting this story.I love you.  
>  This chapter contains some medical information that I hope I got as accurate as possible. If there is anything wrong please let me know so I can fix it.  
>  Hope you enjoy and as always I love reading your comments <3

    Slowly but surely Louis life was going back to normal. After the hospital incident and the lovely text from Harry,Louis took a step back and decided to focus on other things.

     It’s been almost two months since he last saw Harry but he had no intention of that changing. The band’s gigs were going great and they had a handful of shows and Louis was happy and content with his friends and family.

     Well,that after he had a talk with his mom about what happened and besides her giving a piece of her mind,she said that she was grateful for the help he’d showed for the volunteering program but he should focus on his own career. So that’s what he was doing. Currently,he was trying to write a song that showed his frustration and sadness towards someone  who wouldn’t let him explain. Louis didn’t condemn the boy, it really was a confusing situation but he only wishes he could apologize properly and skip everybody’s feelings getting hurt. 

      He tried the first couple of days,he really did. He called,he texted and tried to facetime but he was always getting sent to voicemail so he stopped before it turned into harassment.Now here’s the thing, Louis still felt guilty. Six and a half weeks later,his heart was still breaking every time he remembered how a tear escaped Harry’s eye as he was screaming at Louis. It hurt to know how much he managed to accidentally hurt someone else. Especially someone like Harry.

      “ _You and I,we don’t wanna be like them_ ”,Louis quietly hummed for himself and getting more and more angry at the fact that he didn’t know what the next verse should be.

      “Hey,L”,an Irish accent being heard from the doorway. Him and Niall made up after the whole situation. It was a really weird argument,really;it consisted of Louis barking at Niall that if he waited a bit longer this would have never happened and then Niall shouting at Louis and asking why did he lie in the first place . Let’s just say that after a few days of ignoring each other they were back at acting like brothers.

       Louis just groaned in response to his friends greeting. “Yea,happy to see you too,Lou”.

       “Look at this and tell me what would work from here?”,said Louis pointing aggressively at the notebook.

       Niall scanned over the page and his expression became fonder and fonder and he kept reading. “Wow, this is amazing. But I should ask though,did you write them thinking about him”. He was not wrong.

       “Well,I don’t know..I guess”.

       “Ok so how about you fit here something on the topic ofgoing through it or how nothing can separate the two people”,and this was actually not a bad idea.

       “ _We can make it till the end_ ”,Louis started to softly sing” _Nothing can bother_ -no that doesn’t work”

        “ _Nothing can come between you and I_ ”,continued Niall and he was a fucking genius.

        “Niall?”

        “Yes Louis.”

        “I think we have a chorus for our new song”.

        They went in the kitchen to celebrate with some cheap beers. Because you now what they say, every day is a celebration.

———

       This was a complete nightmare. Anne was crying and Gemma’s bottom lip was trembling at the news that doctor Grimshaw just delivered.

       “Mr. Styles is in need of surgery”,he stated in a serious tone. And well,Harry just was done. He didn’t want surgery’s he didn’t want to be in a hospital anymore and he would go as far and say that he didn’t want to live anymore. This was a waste of time and money for everyone. Who even cared besides his family? No one. 

       “Atrioventricular node ablation is a more extensive type of ablation surgery.This procedure destroys a larger area of your heart but, it can cure irregular heartbeats in over 90 percent of cases.”,Nick said and it was weird for Harry to see him so serious since they always joked around.

       “Is this really necessary?” asked Anne with tears in her eyes.

       “When we asked Harry to stay a bit under supervision we hoped that the chance of him having a stroke was going to drop. But unfortunately,it didn’t so besides surgery there’s nothing more we can do to help him.” And how was Harry supposed to feel about that? Sad?Happy? Well right now he was confused as what was about to happen.

       “I need to let you know about the side effects of the surgery and other technical issues so I suggest we step out”, _oh come on_ he was the one having the surgery after all, wasn’t he supposed to at least know what was he getting himself into if he decided to have it?

        “I want to know”,sternly said Harry. Anne and Nick looked at each other until Anne nodded for the doctor to go on.

        “The side effects to this procedure are mild as it is not done on open heart. These might be: pain, bruising and vain problems.”,he looked at Harry’s nod of approval for him to continue “as I was saying,the surgery is not done on the open heart.Your surgeon will insert a catheter through a vein in your neck and that catheter will be thread through your vein to the upper and lower chamber of your heart.Harry  will need to have a permanent pacemaker installed in his heart to establish and maintain a normal heart rhythm after his surgery.”.Harry wasn’t exactly sure how all that works but he knew one thing:if the chamber that the doctor was talking about was not J.K. Rolling’s full of secrets one, he wasn’t interested.

       Anne nodded along and asked a few extra questions after doctor Grimshaw stopped explaining the procedure. Harry on the other hand didn’t want to hear anything more.

       “Thank you so so much. We will get to you with an answer as soon as possible”,Anne said as Nick was exiting the room.

       “Let me know what you decide so we can set a date”,the doctor said before he closed the door after himself.

      

       “So”,Anne started”what are you thinking?”

       “That I don’t have a choice?”

       “Harry-“she said in a sad tone.

       “Don’t “Harry”me ,mom. Let’s be honest, I do the surgery-I live. I don’t do it-I have I stroke and eventually die. Well actually it looks like I have a choice.” and he knew. He knew damn well that he was being such an asshole for nothing but he really couldn’t bring himself to care.

       “How about we talk about thislater?”,Anne said as she was reaching for the door handle “I’m going to go and grab a coffee. Do you guys want anything?” she asked in a shaky voice. When Gem and Harry both refused Anne went to the cafeteria.

       “Haz,you can hate me but please please please do the surgery. I don’t even want to imagine you not being here”.

       “Gem you know I love you but it’s not that simple”

       “It is. If you do the surgery you live, so therefore you are doing it”,seems legit.

       And so, the Styles siblings talked about the surgery and pro and cons and came with the shocking final answer:Harry was about to have surgery!

       When Anne came back, they let her know and went to talk to the nurses and doctor to set a date and everything else regarding the surgery.

 

       “It’s set. Harry you are going to have surgery in two days”,said doctor Grimshaw while holding a bunch of forms.

       “This fast?!”

       “Harry,the sooner the better”,Anne tried to reason.And Harry was tired and done and just so fucking angry at the world for putting him through all this so he stopped talking but also stopped listening.

       A few long hours later,he was once again left alone in his room. He had about two hours before he was supposed to go and get some tests done and so he decided to just make himself feel worse. How? Well he enjoyed re-reading all the letters that Louis sent him. And as much as he hated to admit he really missed the boy. 

       And he knew that he didn’t really had a right to say that since he ignored him every time Louis tried to contact him. Would Louis care if Harry let him know that he was going into surgery? As weird as it might sound,Harry needed some other form of support besides his mom and sister.

———

      “My bestest friends of all time, you know how much I love you?” asked Louis in the sweetest tone he could manage.

      “What do you want?” asked Liam unfazed by Louis act.

       “So I was thinking..tonight after we sing and all that good stuff, how are you lads feeling about a drink or two?”

       “I’m in!”exclaimed Niall without hesitation.

      Liam just looked at him unimpressed and shrugged “And since when do you ask?”

      “Since we haven’t had a lad’s night at a bar in way too long and wanted to make sure that tonight that will change”.After that Louis turned on his heel and went back to his room to finish that song that he wishes he could scream at Harry’s face once is done.

———

     “Thank you so much! You were all amazing tonight!” said Louis into the microphone before getting off-stage.

      Once they were in front of the bar all three of them knew that the night was definitely young.

      After god-knows how many shots and colorful drinks later,Louis was completely and utterly drunk. It was all fun and games until he felt like he was going to be sick and his mind was fuzzy. Where his friends were was also a mystery but that didn’t stop Louis from ordering a couple more shots.

 

      How Louis got home,he doesn’t remember but his friends were behind him at the entrance so that was a good sign. Liam looked probably as drunk as him while Niall looked as sober as ever. 

      “Ok you two,go to bet before you start breaking things around here”,and for some reason Louis thought it was so funny what Niall said that he bursted out laughing and ended up tripping over his feet and landing on his stomach. The first thing he checked afterwards was his phone,because who cares if _he_ was hurt?

      Maybe it was because he was so drunk and was hallucinating or maybe his phone was broken but on the screen there appeared to be one unread text from Harry.

      “Lou, are you hurt?”asked Niall. And yes,he was but not physically just emotionally because he didn’t get a chance to explain everything to Harry but this looked like the perfect opportunity.

     Lucky, Louis got distracted by whatever nonsense Liam was saying and dropped his phone on the couch and went to sleep. Thank God.

——— 

     The next morning Louis was feeling like he was on the beach. Not because it was sunny and breezy but because he felt like his mouth was full of sand. Not to mention the killing headache and dizziness that he knew were going to be present. Before he was even fully awake he was sprinting to the bathroom to empty his stomach.

     “ _Fucking hell_ ”,he muttered to himself. And it really did feel like someone planted an axe in his skull.

      After making sure that he was not going to throw up anymore,he made his way to the kitchen to get some water because now he had an awful taste in his mouth and was dehydrated.

      “Look who’s up”,said Niall in a chirpy tone.And when he saw Louis very disoriented he threw him a water bottle. “Painkillers are in the second drawer”.

       Louis only managed a small smile and then downed the water and two pills. A bit more sober now, he remembered how his screen lit up last night.

       “Um,have you seen my phone?”

        “Think you left it on the couch. Anyways,you hungry?”

        “Are you making breakfast?”

        “Sure”.

        “Then I am.” said Louis and then stormed off to go look at his phone.

 

        And it was official. He was not hallucinating last night.

        **From:Harry:)**

**Can we talk?**

        

        And if he didn’t have the worst hangover he would’ve been jumping around like a teenage girl.

        **From:Louis**

**Of course!!!**

**let me know when.i miss you**

 

———

       Yesterday,after the surgery discussion,Harry had quite the time to think about a lot of things. He needed someone else to talk to besides his family and nurses. So he gave up and texted Louis. 

       He didn’t expect him to reply too fast as it was pretty late and he might be busy. Harry also tried not to think of those ocean eyes or the inked arms and chest of the boy from who he was waiting a reply from. He wasn’t sure Louis wanted to talk to him anymore because he ignored him for almost a month now. It was worth the try though.

       

       Harry was a bit excited to see that Louis still wanted to talk to him but the little _i miss you_ made Harry’s stomach do somersaults. He quickly replied with a question asking Louis if calling him a bit later worked. In a matter of seconds a reply came his way saying it was more than ok.

———

     Louis wanted to have a drink to celebrate the fact that Harry wanted to talk to him.But he refrained because his head and stomach still hurt.

     A few hours later the familiar ringtone was being heard and Louis literally attacked his phone.

     “ _Hello_..”

     “Harry,hi! You don’t know how happy I am for finally talking to you. I wanted to explain everything-“

     “ _Lou, can I see you ? Please?”_ he heard from the other side of the receiver. And Harry’s voice cracked like he was on the verge of tears.

      “Is everything alright?”

     After a sharp breath taken Harry replied “ _No.And I kind of need someone to talk to. Please.”_

     “Of course. Is today okay?” and a sense of panic raised in Louis head,the apology he was about to say long forgotten.

      “ _Yeah.See you later_ ”

      And after that Louis was left by himself to panic. Does he get Harry something? Should he write him a letter?

——— 

     There he was. Back at the place he still hated. Louis was fidgeting with his sleeves because he was nervous for two reasons. One, because if his mom spotted him there he would be in trouble and two,because of Harry.

     

    _Room 28_. He softly knocked and waited until someone replied from the other side to come in.

      When he entered he was met with Harry who looked tired and sad,but in a way brokenly beautiful and next to him there was a girl who looked incredibly similar to the boy.

      “Hello, I’m Louis.” The girl gave him a look and replied “I know. I’m Gemma. Listen to me,I’m gonna say this once,if you dare hurt my baby brother again I’m going to-“

      “Gem!”he warned Harry.

      “I’ll leave you to it then”,she said giving Louis a last look and left .

It was them two again.

      “Harry I want you to know how deeply sorry I am for what I said and I’ve been feeling so bad-“

      “Did you mean it?” he asked not meeting his eyes.

       “Of course not! You have no idea how much you mean to me. I still consider you my friend ...even though sometimes I wish we could be more”,and the last part came out as whisper but Harry heard and was taken aback by the confession.

       After a few silent seconds they locked eyes and it felt as intense as the first time they met. Louis couldn’t help but notice how tears were threatening to spill.

“Haz,what did you want to tell me ?” and he hoped that the nickname that slipped didn’t ruin the moment.

Harry dryly chuckled and said “Honestly I don’t even know if you care.”

“What’s going on?!”demanded Louis because all this was making him nervous,

“I’m having surgery.”

“Wait, what? When?”and Louis hoped Harry was kidding because the first time they see each other in a month is before the boy in front of him was having surgery.

“Tomorrow.”and whiteout any notice Harry was now crying in front of him. Louis could only imagine how scared one could be before having a surgery.

Louis sat next to Harry and held him whispering it’s going to be alright from time to time until eventually the curly haired boy exhausted himself and fell asleep in Louis embrace.

 

Gemma eventually came back and Louis left Harry with her. Gem also told him that if he wants to see Harry after the surgery he should be at the hospital the next day,around noon.

Louis never felt so powerless in his life. He just wished he could take the pain from the hurting boy. Someone needed to fix the world because it definitely was broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	10. We can make it if we try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry it took me so long to update and then it’s a short chapter but I’ve had finals and besides that an awful writer’s block.  
> I want to thank everyone who stuck around even though I’m the worst with updates.
> 
> Regarding the story:I KNOW THAT’S NOT HOW HOSPITALS WORK BUT ITS FICTION AND IT NEEDED TO FIT THE STORY.
> 
> Anyhow, I love you all and as always I love to hear your opinions.

His throat was sore and his eyes puffy from all the crying but as usual, he had to be _fine_. Harry isn’t quite sure when Louis left but apparently, it was the next day and the procedure was supposed to start in a few hours.

 

A nurse came and picked Harry up from his room in a wheelchair and took him to another room where he had to strip and then put on a hospital gown that he dearly hated.

After that, everything was kind of blur in Harry’s memory. All he does remember is when the anesthesiologist told him to think of something that makes him happy his first thought was a pair of blue eyes and crooked smile and small figure.

Maybe Louis would hang out with him even after he gets dismissed from the hospital. They could go to the park or the cinema. Or maybe not..

———

Louis was _stressed_. He was pacing in his living room like a madman making grand gestures with his hands while trying to explain his frustration to his friends. It shouldn’t be though, since the situation was pretty clear: Harry was having surgery and Louis found out a day beforehand.

 

“So he is not mad at you?” asked Liam, and bless him. His friends priority was not Harry but Louis.

“Probably not, but you kind of missed the point”,Louis added exasperated.

“Lou,you do know that what is happening with him is not your fault nor can you change the situation or the outcome so sit the fuck down and think of what flowers you are going to buy him”,and Louis never heard Niall talk like this before.

After a few minutes of silence Niall got off the couch, brushed past Louis and went in the hallway to do whatever Niall does.

“You really like him,don’t you?” said the all-knowing Liam. And at Louis silence he continued “You know,we’ve been friends for as long as I can remember but I’d be lying if I would say I ever saw you so invested in another person.”

“I care about you and Niall and my family and so many other people ,you twat”and a pillow was launched straight to Liam’s face.

“You know that’s not what I mean”,why do his friends know him so well?

“I’ve got the solution to all of your problems!”emerged Niall from the hallway,holding a piece of paper.

“If it’s not alcohol I don’t want it.”

“You are an idiot,now shut up and listen”,shushed Niall.”You wrote this beautiful,amazing,spectacular,gorgeous-“

“I think he got the idea,Ni”

“Anyway, this tear-worthy song for him, full of feelings and stuff that I guarantee you it’s gonna clear things up between you two.”

“Full of feelings and stuff”,murmured Louis to himself “he is getting out of surgery , I have no right to bombard him with how I feel when the boy has his own personal issues.”

“Chocolate and a card it is then!”announced Niall.

 

They spent the rest of the day scheduling and planning the rest of their week up until anxiety beat Louis up and he had to get _out_. And just because the situation wasn’t gloomy enough, it started to rain, of course.

Louis put his beanie on and got dressed in some jeans and a hoodie and went on a walk with no destination. Hopefully the fresh air would clear his head.

Every puddle Louis saw, he had to step in it not only because he was childish but because he was a master at distracting himself.

When he was admiring a graffiti on a random brick wall, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Surprisingly it was Harry. After almost dropping the phone, he managed to answer;he was an adult thank you very much.

“Hello?”

“ _Louis_?” a feminine voice was heard through the receiver.

“Gemma?”

“ _Yea. Um..hey I know we barely know each other but could you do me and yourself a favor?”_

“I suppose? Is Harry ok?”

A breathless chuckle and then a reply “ _He just got out of surgery. We are not allowed to see him yet but we should in a couple of hours.”_

“And so everything went good?” he asked holding his breath.

_“Fortunately, the surgeon said everything went alright. Again, it’s going to take a while until he at least awake so yea..”_

“The favor?”

“ _What_?”

“You called asking for a favor?”

“ _Oh, right. When you come to visit, and I hope you will, bring your guitar. He loves to hear you sing.”_

“Okay,”he replied dumbly.

“ _You are going to visit, right?_ ”she asked carefully.

“Of course,yea. Just give me a ring when he wakes up.”

“ _Great!See you”_

“Bye.”

 

And it took Louis exactly 10 minutes to get back to the apartment and start rehearsing his songs because he was, after all going to sing the damn song because the universe seemed to not let it go.

———

 _Something_ was buzzing and bothering Louis. And that something should stop before Louis breaks it- oh it’s his phone. When he tried to reach for it he realized he had a guitar in his lap and his neck was bent in an uncomfortable position.

“ _Oh my god”_ he gasped when he realized he had fallen asleep and that Harry-well Gemma-was calling.

 

“Hey”,he said in a sleep thick voice.

“ _Louis? Are you ok_?”

“Yea,yea. How’s Harry?” he tried to switch the attention off of him because he was not about to admit he had fucking fallen asleep.

“ _He was transferred back to his room. I think you can come see him now, if you want.He is not awake,though so if you don’t want to stop by now that’s ok-_

“I’ll be there in half an hour. Tops.” why was she so unsure about Louis? Oh, right. He was a twat and said some stupid stuff about her brother. _Way to go, Tomlinson._

 

Back at it again. He was standing in the same spot, with the same guitar as he was a couple of months ago. And just to be clear, Louis really hated hospitals.

As soon as he walked through the doors he bumped into his mum. They made eye contact for a few seconds, Louis with a shocked expression and Jay with a pretty unimpressed one. Just like she was expecting him to be there (wink).

“He’s just got transferred back to his room.Go.”she said biting back a smile. Louis didn’t bother to reply and walked the halls of the place like he owned them.

 

And then his stomach dropped. _Room 28._ Was anyone inside? Should he knock or call Gemma? God help him.

His overthinking was paused when he felt a hand on his shoulder slowly turning him around. It was a woman with black hair and kind eyes.

“You must be Louis,” a tired smile painted on her face and a bunch of paperwork in her hand.

“Um-I mean yes.”

“I’m Harry’s mother,call me Anne.”

“It’s really nice to meet you”,extending a hand towards the woman.

“Likewise. I’ve heard a lot of things about you “,said Anne while shaking his hand. And at Louis mortified expression she added “Don’t worry, I’ve only heard good things.”

And at that they both had to chuckle.

“He still isn’t awake, but you can go see him. Gem’s inside.”

Louis doesn’t need to be told twice,he smiled at Anne and softly knocked on the door. When someone opened it from the inside he wasn’t expecting someone to launch themselves at Louis with a hug. But he got it, so he hugged back. “It’s alright” he whispered in Gemma’s ear, because it _had_ to be.

 

Saying he was crushed when he saw Harry was an understatement. Louis was about to start crying any second if he kept looking at how Harry had a breathing tube through his nose and numerous devices strapped to his body “ _he’s going to be ok”_ Louis reminded himself . Needles over drips over heart monitors-Harry was definitely his hero.

“It’s alright” whispered Gemma back with a watery smile “the doctor said he should be able to hear us, so if you want to play now-it’s really up to you.”

“Yea,I-I think I’m gonna do that”,and took a seat on an empty chair next to the bed.

“What do you want to play?”

“It’s just something I wrote”,replied Louis with his eyes still glued to the sleeping boy. If Harry looked like a baby giraffe when he was standing, he looked so so tiny when he was in bed.

 

With no other word he started to barely touch the guitar strings,like Louis was afraid they might break or that Harry might break for that matter.

 

_“I figured it out_

_I figured it out from black and white_

_Seconds and hours_

_Maybe they had to take some time_ ” every word from this song was a part of him. He was sure he meant each and every one of them.

 

“ _We can make it if we try_

_You and I_

_Oh, you and I_ ” when he reached the ending of the song he was sure he could see Gemma tearing up with the corner of his eye but that definitely didn’t matter when the strumming of the guitar stopped and then a weak “Lou?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3   
> let me know your thoughts


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